Back to the planning process

So, I am tired of just..living. I want to do something, be something, be someone. I feel like it will never happen, and my past is the reason I live how I do today, and I hate it.

My past has made me a horrible daughter, a horrible wife, and I'm afraid it will make me a horrible mother. So, it's time for a lifetime change. Beings I am going home in 3 days for Christmas, and being home is hard to have any kind of order in my life, I am going to use it as planning. I get home the 27th, in which case I will show William what I have came up with, talk everything over with him, and then on January 1st my new life starts. A better wife, a better person in general.

Also, when I get back, I want to go and get our marriage official. We don't want an actual wedding, not yet, we want a courthouse wedding, with a big wedding to renew our vows later on in life. I am not sure he is ready to do this, I know I am, and he says he is, but I also know he sometimes says things just to make me happy. I am extremely ready for this step, but as to whether he is or not? I will have to find out. I would love to start off the new year as a married woman, in charge of her life once and for all.

I love the planning part, but when it comes to actually doing it not so much. I need to learn to like to clean, cook, hmm maybe a chore list? What do you think? It's me, him, and Denise living here, so maybe we do our room, and then we take turns with cooking, dishes, bathroom, living room, blah blah blah..?

I need to clean now, but am honestly feeling like shit. I have a migraine from hell, and cleaning would be hellacious right now. Shhh, not telling William about the migraine, he is under the impression I need to go to a doctor for them, as they are becoming more frequent again. I think once I get my life in order they will slowly go away.

I haven't made a goals list yet, that will be when I get home, but one major goal on my list is to cut down on cursing. I want to quit saying f*** all together, and highly cut down on the rest. We are both discussing children, and I refuse to use that language around my children, so best to cut down now.

I need to find some vegetables I really like, besides green beans, so I can eat fruits and vegetables everyday. Now I am off to look at some coupons to print out, take a bath, then get some sleep.